#confession3

Call me Shy, female, 37 here.
When I chose to marry the man, I loved at 25, defying my traditional family's disapproval, it precipitated my father disowning me - his once-favorite child. My happy wedding dreams became a simple courthouse arrangement without my loved ones. My attempts to contact my father and 17-year-old brother were futile, leaving me devastated that my decision permanently severed those bonds.
In the third year of my marriage, my long-standing fertility issues with PCOS morphed into premature ovarian failure. The specialist's finding that I could never conceive broke my spirit. Still reeling from losing my father's love, I tried reconciling, only to discover he had died of a heart attack 18 months after my wedding - another blow. What hurt more was the fact that I was so insignificant to them that not even my own mother or brother ever informed me of this.
My in-laws, who now saw me as defective and useless for my inability to bear children, treated me like a servant, subtly demeaning me. The combined grief and stress precipitated my depression and divorce after 5 years when my husband remarried under family pressure to continue their bloodline.
I desperately sought solace from my family again. But my brother blamed me for our father’s early death and wanting me to “die alone.” Not only was I banned from his wedding in 2021, but when my new baby niece arrived in 2022, he forbade me from ever even seeing her, despite mother and his wife pleading my case.
With my career, marriage, family bonds, and motherhood dreams all lost, I struggle daily against thoughts of ending my pain. Though therapy is ineffective, I don’t have the courage for that final step. Banned from my only brother’s life and my niece’s, every day feels like drinking slow poison. I yearn to make amends and have a place as a loving aunt, but I don’t know how to fix my mistakes and reclaim my will to live after being told I'll never again be part of the family.